I don’t typically share the meaning behind my images, partly because I believe everyone will see something different in my work and partly because I’m a huge recluse when it comes to sharing what I’m dealing with. This image is one of the most personal I’ve ever created, it sums up a large part of my life that is over now, as much as it saddens me. In sharing all of this personal crap I hope that some of you can relate and even find comfort. If you have no interest in getting a glimpse into my personal life now is your chance to abandoned ship while you still can…  because seriously, it’s about to get real…

Letting Go…

Recently I’ve been dealing with a lot of personal pain. Two months ago my relationship of five years came to a screeching halt and I was forced to move on from someone I once saw my future in. I went through a range of emotions hoping to find peace but only found pain. It was as if all of these thoughts and feelings were pouring out of my mind but instead of leaving me in peace and letting me heal they still lingered around me. I’ve come to see that healing is a process that requires an active and consistent effort. I’ve also come to realize that if God has shut a door in my life it’s because he has something a whole lot better in store for my future. So here I am… letting go. Letting go of a lost love. Letting go of a dream that I’ve carried inside of me for five years. Letting go of a part of myself. Letting go of someone I once held dear. Realizing that I have nothing left to give and being oddly relieved by it. I’m learning to let go and it’s the best thing I’ve ever allowed myself to do.

The behind the scenes process…

This image started out as me being totally weird in an abandoned parking lot. I wanted my pose to convey how it felt to be at a loss for words and at the end of my rope. The ground is scattered with flour because I originally thought I would be surrounded by flour instead of smoke.

I added this image to the background to get rid of the buildings and to give the photo a more secluded and organic feel. I took this photo in Montana during my road trip to Seattle earlier this year.

I knew that I wanted to incorporate smoke into my image somehow because of the way it lingers, a lot like the pain I was dealing with. I found smoke bombs at a small gas station a year ago and held onto them until the opportune moment… which ended up being for this image!  I found that the green bombs produced the most smoke so I used them and changed the color of the smoke during the editing process. The wind was not working in my favor which is why the smoke is only in the left corner of the photo 😛